The Fallen God: A Father's Fall from Idealization

After the warmth of your mother, you look to your father—a great, immense protector, your God. He introduces you to the world, shows you life, and protects your space. With someone so powerful by your side, nothing bad can touch you. You grow up feeling safe, and close to God, absorbing his words, his laughter, his principles, ideals, and prohibitions. Without objections or doubts, completely in awe, blessed, and secure. You are the little princess, and even a simple trip to get burek (a traditional pastry) feels like a grand celebration under God's grace.

The Shift Begins

As time passes, you become less important. You're no longer just a listener; you start asking questions. You notice that God is not always there—he slips away, hides, and there’s no longer any conversation or protection. You begin to realize that he has always been the most important person to himself. If you're not a blind follower, you may be pushed away, punished, or made insignificant. You remember how you felt once, and you would do anything to bring those feelings back. He also remembers the devoted child who worshipped him, but anything beyond that feels like a burden. You see your old God, and you realize that even he no longer lives by the values he taught you. For him, those were just opinions, and ideals. But for you, they were laws.

The Cracks Appear

By his side, you’ve experienced neglect, divorce, abuse, new wives, new marriages, new children, double standards, lawsuits, accusations, and his bitterness, superficiality, and the primitive people he surrounded himself with. You watched him shrink in his superficiality, yet he considered it a success. He never stopped to question himself or dive into his own emotions. He ran from his pain and despised anyone who acted from the heart. In his eyes, that was weakness and an unforgivable sin. Thus, next to him, you had to carefully choose your words, actions, and even your expressions. You couldn’t ask for anything, couldn’t question anything, and could only smile silently to avoid being cast out. In the end, nothing mattered except the illusion of a relationship and the constant hope that something might change.

The Death of a God

In the end, this great God dies, lamenting that he wasn’t good enough and that you are still his child. And once again, you comfort him, even though he deprived you of protection, love, and inheritance. You finally gain peace—the freedom to be yourself without needing recognition or validation. After everything, after rising from sorrow and bitterness, you realize that he did give you something:

• The freedom to be authentic.

• Ideals that you can now pursue.

• Perhaps not happiness, but certainly unique guidance.

• A broader perspective.

• The ability to dive into your own emotions.

• The learned skill to overcome and diminish your fears.

• Nothing is so terrible that it can’t be laughed at.

• Beyond the pain, you see the unusual paths to love.

• Gratitude for every being—for the unique experience of life.

• The courage of spirit.

• And much more.