The Art of Healing: Navigating Love, Betrayal, and Self-Worth After Trauma

A friend works at a hotel and often shares interesting stories about the guests she encounters. Many married men visit the hotel with their mistresses, while married women bring their lovers. Some men, she says, will straighten the bed sheets and bring in another woman. Then, these same men are seen on the street with their wives and children, portraying the perfect family—wives well-dressed, happy, and walking together as if everything is fine. Either the wife is unaware of what’s going on or it’s a mutually accepted arrangement: "I'll pretend to be a happy wife and mother, and in return, you’ll provide me with a comfortable life—nice clothes, travel, and shopping." On the other hand, for the young women involved with these married men, the arrangement is transactional as well. They receive compliments, meals, drinks, gifts, and sometimes career opportunities or other benefits.

But what does all of this really mean?

The Betrayed Wife's Perspective

One acquaintance of mine had been the betrayed wife in this dynamic. She told me, "So, we’re sitting together on New Year’s Eve, and the child is asleep. Sure, he should be with me on this special day, but what am I supposed to do with him now? It would have been better if he had gone off with his mistress and left me to live my life and find someone who would truly love and respect me. Instead, I get some boots, a jacket, and his mere presence on a day supposed to be ‘family time’.”

That same woman, once she had enough financial stability to rent an apartment and leave her husband, did so with her child. Now, she is with a true partner who genuinely wants to spend time with her—not just during the days that are designated for “family time.”

The lesson here is that the choice is always yours. If you value family structure or the benefits you receive from your husband, that’s okay. But if what you truly want is someone who loves, values, and respects you, there is always a way to change your life.

Another friend of mine shared her perspective: “You know, Tamara, there’s the husband, the sponsor, and the lover with whom you find enjoyment as a way to compensate for all the other roles you’ve endured…”

Ultimately, everyone deserves love and respect. When the social and family obligations are met, what remains is our deep need for genuine love.

The Young Women with Married Men

On the other side of the coin, the young women involved with married men are often not seeking a committed, fulfilling relationship either. That’s why they find themselves in these kinds of situations.

Here’s my advice: Let go of old wounds. A truly complete relationship will fulfill you, while a half-hearted relationship can only fill you halfway.

What About the Cheaters?

What about those who cheat? There is something wrong here, but it’s not just about their wives, husbands, or partners—it’s something within the individuals themselves. The truth is, anyone can cheat, regardless of how they look or what they have to offer. It’s a choice available to everyone. So instead of feeding your ego or trying to prove something, it’s better to focus on yourself. You are valuable just as you are—why deny it? There is someone out there who loves you for exactly who you are.

If you’re benefiting from married men, understand that you have the ability to earn for yourself and showcase your own potential without needing anyone else to provide that in exchange for sex.

The Energy Exchange in Sex

Remember, sex is at its core an exchange of energy. If it’s based on love, tenderness, and respect, that’s what your soul receives. But if you’re exchanging sex for material benefits or anything else, you’re ultimately giving away your soul’s energy for a small price.

The Bottom Line

Ultimately, this is all part of a personal growth journey, and none of these roles should be judged. We are all born worthy. The key is to recognize and honor that worth, whether through relationships or otherwise. It’s never too late to start feeling this way about ourselves—not by proving it on the outside, but from within, on a deep, fundamental level.