The green-eyed monster: exploring envy and its effects

Envy—how dreadful that sounds! But the truth is, in my experience working with various people to solve different personal issues such as:

• What’s preventing me from being happier, more successful, wealthier, and more fulfilled in my relationships?

• How can I enjoy life more?

I’ve often come across one common block to achieving these goals: envy.

Before we dive into this, let me clarify that while envy and jealousy may seem similar, they are not the same.

Envy vs. Jealousy

• Envy is when someone wants what another person has—be it success, beauty, wealth, knowledge, happiness, or a fulfilling partnership—while simultaneously feeling they lack it themselves.

• Jealousy, on the other hand, is a similar feeling but with the difference that the person experiencing jealousy believes they once had something but are now at risk of losing it.

What both emotions have in common is the feeling of lacking something the person deeply desires.

When Envy Becomes Your Blocker

What happens when envy toward others becomes a barrier to your success and happiness?

This block is often subtle but very common. Not long ago, I worked with someone who, despite having many opportunities, “couldn’t” — or rather, didn’t want to succeed. This manifested in various aspects of her life. For example, she wasn’t earning enough money, despite being capable, and she felt self-conscious about dressing well or acknowledging her beauty and intellect.

After some reflection, we traced the root of this behavior back to her childhood. Her brother had envied her success, and she felt bad about it. To avoid triggering this envy, she subconsciously started suppressing her own potential and accomplishments.

This is just one example of how the envy of others can make us pull back, hiding our true selves and not expressing our potential or joy out of fear of causing discomfort to others.

Changing the Way We View Envy

It’s important to note here that the solution isn’t to hate the people who envy us, or even to hate the emotion of envy itself. After all, most people have felt envy at some point in their lives.

If you are the one feeling envious, here’s what you can do:

1. Shift Your Focus to the Bigger Picture Understand that no one has a perfect life. Even the person who seems to have everything you envy likely lacks something else. Envy often blinds us to the whole picture. Take a step back and remind yourself of this.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Comparison can be motivating if it drives you to improve, but if it leads to envy, stop and turn the focus inward. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to others. Celebrate your progress and achievements. This shift in perspective helps you feel content with what you've already achieved while still pushing for growth.

3. Be Mindful of What You’re Attracting Remember, we tend to attract what we focus on. If you envy others, you're sending out vibrations of lack. Instead, celebrate the success and happiness of others, because when you do, you invite more of it into your life. Envy is a signal that you feel you’re missing something—so let it motivate you to take steps to get what you want, rather than holding you back.

4. Focus on Self-Improvement Rather than focusing on what others have, turn your energy towards making tangible improvements in your own life. If you envy someone for traveling while you haven’t, reflect on your own blessings. Are you grateful for the ability to walk, run, or simply be healthy? Shift your mindset to appreciation, and you’ll open the door for even more abundance.

5. Look Around You Sometimes, envy arises from comparing ourselves to those who seem to have more. But consider this: what about those who have less? If you envy someone for their travels, take a moment to appreciate the everyday things you take for granted. Gratitude for what you already have can shift your perspective and attract more positivity into your life.

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What if the Blocker is the Fear of Others’ Envy?

Now, let’s address the fear of success in case others might envy you.

The key realization here is that everyone creates their own destiny. If someone envies you, it’s their choice to either use that envy as motivation or to remain stuck in their feelings. It’s not your responsibility to fix their situation. Your job is to live your life to its fullest potential, without guilt or the obligation to minimize your success for the comfort of others.

So, if you’re beautiful, intelligent, or ambitious, why suppress those qualities just because others might not have the same? Embrace what makes you unique and shine unapologetically.

Choose Your Surroundings Wisely

To conclude, I would rephrase the saying, “A friend in need is a friend indeed,” into something more fitting: “A friend rejoices in your happiness.”

Surround yourself with those who celebrate your successes and joy, rather than those who feel threatened by them.